Every now and then I’ll hear from a distraught guy, upset that the woman he’s been dating (or been dating in his mind) has told him she can’t see him anymore.
Or that they can only be friends. Or that he is now her ex. Or some other label he doesn’t like.
It feels like the end of the world to these guys because they see such labels as permanent and, in fact, they pay attention to such things. Because they do, the label sticks and they become friends and ex’s and used-to-dates.
What they don’t understand is that time and circumstance changes everything, especially with women. There are a shockingly large number of couples who get divorced, then remarried, proof that time and circumstance certainly changes everything.
Sometimes a woman will test you to see if you will fight for her. Sometimes, in the moment, she’ll feel like the thing to do is change the relationship. Sometimes she meets another guy she’s gaga over initially, a guy who will be just another label in a few months.
If this happens to you, the thing to do is to first not make it permanent. That’s what most guys do. They protest and confront and scream and throw temper tantrums. And while honest confrontation can be a very good thing, this is not the circumstance for it.
If you create a memorable, negative emotional scene when a woman changes your relationship by re-labeling it, you are sure to lock in that label. But if you’re vague about it, pay little attention to it, and quietly don’t accept it, you’ll be surprised at what will happen in the future.
The funny thing about women is, they make decisions in the moment with the expectation of permanence (permanence of feeling, of relationship status, etc.) but we live in an impermanent world. Permanence is quickly disproven, and she makes another decision, one that can go in your favor.
If you maintain a sense of emotional stability, odds are she will eventually come back around to you, especially if another (unstable) man is involved. Women are drawn to men with emotional stability because it is a form of protection. Fewer and fewer men have that, so if you do, you are the one who is attractive over the long term.
So, if a woman changes your relationship by assigning it a new label or category, don’t overreact. Always remember, time and circumstance changes everything, and if you’re cool and unflappable, the label you prefer will usually be restored in time.
By Your Host: John Alanis
John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.
John is most certainly not a part of the “pick up artist crowd,” instead teaching men how to make themselves “naturally attractive” by suppressing unattractive behaviors and amplifying attractive ones, making yourself attractive without changing “who you are.” John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995. The theme of “mental toughness” and “how to be a real man in an age of girlie men” runs through is writings and teachings. While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers.