A few days ago I was talking to a young, foolish friend of mine, intent on getting married at a young age, whilst still playing with women other than his fiancée.
His quote, delivered with a straight face was, “I’m a great fiancée, except for the cheating.” Funny thing is, if you know the kid, it’s kind of true. But fiancee’s don’t like such behavior, and when they become wives they take an even dimmer view of it.
My advice to him was to get out before it becomes legal with legal consequences, but like I said, he’s young and foolish and doesn’t listen to everything I tell him. He’s a rock and roll guy, pretending to be a marriage and kids guy, and that never ends well.
He has, on several occasions, told me of his fiancée going through his phone and his computer, snooping through his texts and his facebook, looking for evidence of potential misdeeds (he refused to listen to me when I told him women have a sixth sense for such things, and was chagrined when he found out that I was actually right).
That is a harbinger of what’s to come when he makes his relationship legal. The snooping is not going to go away when he gets married, and in fact it will get worse. Currently she has not discovered any damning evidence, but has pitched a fit about several innocuous things that had nothing to do with his bad behavior—her “spider sense” is tingling.
Small patterns of behavior you notice in the beginning (when things are at their best) turn into larger patterns of behavior down the road when the novelty and the initial attraction has worn off. And those behaviors are what cause big problems.
The initial high of attraction feels so good, people can’t possibly believe it will ever go away. And so they dismiss warning signs, telling themselves that what applies to others does not apply to them. But it does, and when the hammer finally does fall, it ain’t pretty.
Relationships have consequences, especially ones you make legal. And those consequences can affect you for life. You have to think clearly about them, and you cannot make life altering decisions under the spell of initial attraction.
What should you do then?
Enjoy that initial feeling as long as it lasts, because it eventually fades. And if you do decide you want an exclusive, committed relationship, legal or otherwise, make decisions based on what you observe in reality from her, not what you want to see.
That is the only way to make a good choice and have a happy relationship. Pay attention to the warning signs, and categorize her accordingly. That will keep you out of trouble (unlike the impending doom my young foolish friend is on the precipice of) and give you good odds of having some rare: a great relationship that actually stands the test of time.
By Your Host: John Alanis
John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.
John is most certainly not a part of the “pick up artist crowd,” instead teaching men how to make themselves “naturally attractive” by suppressing unattractive behaviors and amplifying attractive ones, making yourself attractive without changing “who you are.” John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995. The theme of “mental toughness” and “how to be a real man in an age of girlie men” runs through is writings and teachings. While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers.