Almost all the men I have worked with in my practice want to be better lovers for their partners.
It is no longer enough for men “just to get it and have it over with”; now men feel good when they see their partner in pleasure and having fun. Unfortunately, there is a flip side that comes with this desire to take her to the levels of pleasure she never has seen before. It is sexual performance anxiety.
Have you ever been asking yourself: “Am I doing it right?”, “Will I come too fast”, or “Is she liking it?” instead of releasing the tension and losing yourself surfing the pleasure wave. I want to give your practical tips on how to overcome this anxiety of coming too fast and disappointing your partner.
I always recommend my clients with performance anxiety to improve their oral skills. Knowing how to bring a woman to orgasm orally or manually will definitely lift the pressure of your shoulders. If you are confident in your ability to please her, you will feel less anxiety – and be able to control your ejaculation more effectively. In fact, giving her first orgasm orally before moving to the intercourse is as if you tanked your car with a premium grade – you are set for an adventurous ride.
Most men do several common mistakes when it comes to oral sex:
- Don’t Know Bells and Whistles
Tip #1: You need to know anatomy of female and male genitals. If you don’t know how to operate a car, how do you expect to drive it? Women’s genitals are more of a mystery than male’s. Even though, yours and ours genitals are made of the same cells, if you are approaching her genitals the same as you do yours, you both missing out on a lot of fun. Get yourself a bottle of beer, sit in a comfortable chair and start your journey of sexual anatomy.
- Get Down to Business
Tip #2: Many men follow the Porn Model and start sucking that clit like there is no tomorrow. Take your time! Use the Tease Model. Many men put all of their emphasis and focus on the clitoris and vagina, forgetting about other equally as important and sensual parts of her vulva.
You need to arouse her fire with passionate and caressing kisses of her inner thigh, outer and inner lips, and only when she is all warmed up move to her clitoris. Some women find it overwhelming and uncomfortable, when men goes directly to her clitoris by pulling up the hood.
- Gymnasts Only
Tip #3: Too many times I heard my clients pouring their hearts out about the oral sex being so uncomfortable. The position you chose has to be comfortable for both you and your partner. We don’t need the ones that require twisted back or not breathing because it only leaves you both unsatisfied.
One of the great positions for oral sex is to have her lie on the end of the bed with leg down and you have a several wonderful options of approaching her intimate and pleasurable areas. If it is a high bed, don’t be shy to use a chair; otherwise, kneeling will do. This position is very erotic and arousing position for you because it offers a lot of visual. It also very arousing for her, because she sees that you are turned on by caressing her vulva.
Invite her to put her legs on your shoulders to give a little elevation to her hips or use a pillow, here is an opportunity for finger-and-mouth combination. Many women prefer to have something inside their vagina to experience a full orgasm – a feeling of “containment”, I like to call it.
At the end of the day, be playful and creative. Don’t let your fears and anxiety control you and your sexual life. When it comes down to sex, focus on the delicious pleasure waves and invite your partner to join you in that fluid erotic dance.
By John’s Special Guest: Karolina Tatarenkova
Karolina Tatarenkova is a sex coach and sexologist who is working towards her Licensing in Marriage and Family Therapy and sex counselling to strengthen her sex-positive, client-centred and empowering approach to sex and life issues. Her Sex Coaching approach is grounded in the prevailing paradigms of coaching and sex therapy.
Karolina Tatarenkova is an owner of “The Love Academy” and has her practice in Vancouver. She guides her clients through the discovery of what drives them in their lives to unleash the powerful route for overcoming sexual challenges toward healthier and happier sexual lives. Check out her work at www.LoveAcademy.ca