If you read the classic Dale Carnegie book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” you will see Carnegie talks about the importance of listening to people because everyone likes to talk about themselves, and when you listen, they feel important.
And I agree—listening is a very important thing, and when it comes to women, listening to them is attractive. BUT if all you do is listen, you will not attract women.
When it comes to attraction, talking is just as important (maybe moreso) than listening. Women like to hear the sound of a man’s voice, and the feeling of chemistry is created by words, tone, and energy of speech.
Now, you can most certainly talk your way out of attraction. If you yammer on about yourself, and if you bore her, she will not be attracted to you, and that will be because of what you said.
However, if you’re quiet and awkward, or if all you do is listen and let her talk, she will become bored too.
Because if you are not using your words and energy correctly, you are not interesting to her.
When talking to women, what you want to do is make her laugh in spite of herself. That means telling her funny stories (especially about you) and being an expert on relevant topics.
Story telling is especially important when it comes to attraction. When you tell a good story you can put your full energetic range into, and literally “move” her energy with your words. Women love men who can make them laugh, and telling stories is the best way to do so.
I have mentioned it before, but the art you want to master is making the ordinary seem extraordinary. That means taking an everyday event and putting a humorous spin on. Find humor in almost everything, and women will be attracted to you.
You want to be more than just a funny guy, of course, and that’s where the ability to have an in depth conversation on any relevant subject comes in. If you have a wide and varied reading list, this should be no problem. Few men do, incidentally, so you don’t have to be “well read,” just “better read” than other guys.
So yes, listening is important, and you should most certainly do that.
A man who babbles all the time about boring things is unattractive. But so is a man who does nothing but listen. Where you want to be is the interesting man who can make the mundane humorous, a man who always has something intriguing to say. That is an attractive man, much more so than the permanent listener.
By Your Host: John Alanis
John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.
John is most certainly not a part of the “pick up artist crowd,” instead teaching men how to make themselves “naturally attractive” by suppressing unattractive behaviors and amplifying attractive ones, making yourself attractive without changing “who you are.” John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995. The theme of “mental toughness” and “how to be a real man in an age of girlie men” runs through is writings and teachings. While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers.