There is an entire industry devoted to the idea that if you just “manifest” or do a weird breathing exercise or literally, get in touch with your feelings, that you will suddenly burst past all your limiting beliefs, accomplish all your dreams and goals, and walk around eternally happy.

There is another word for it: bullsh*t. It’s bullsh*t for those who want to believe, bullsh*t for those who don’t want to do what’s really necessary to get by limiting beliefs and accomplish what you want.

For bootcamp of every branch of the service there is something called the “confidence course.” It is a series of obstacles that, on first glance, looks way too daunting for any person to get through.

But, all recruits have to get through it, so under the watchful eye of drill instructors, they get through it, with their fellow recruits pushing them. When they get to the other side, they experience an odd sensation: pride.

Where does this come from?

The Fact About Being ConfidentFrom overcoming a limiting belief, from doing something you didn’t think you could, seeing evidence that you know you can.

So, because someone has done the confidence course, does that mean they are suddenly filled with confidence, and off to achieve their hopes and dreams? Of course not. All it means is you go onto the next, harder obstacle, and demonstrate to yourself that, once again, you can do something you didn’t think you could to.

Then you do it again and again and again, with each new obstacle harder (and more unbelievable) than the last. Over time, your self image begins to catch up, and you start to develop that elusive thing called “confidence.” To quote Bill Parcells, “confidence comes from demonstrated ability.” I’d add to that, that confidence comes from demonstrated and repeated ability, with the mental fortitude to withstand the inevitable setbacks along the way.

When I was younger, I spent quite a bit of time feeling scared about business, women, phone calls, fitness, anything under the sun you could name. But, I acted along with the fear, and the more I did, the more things I achieved that I didn’t think I could do. Now, finally, I have confidence.

Confidence is something that must be reinforced, meaning you have to keep doing things that you might believe you can’t do. Over time you realize a “limiting belief” is a useless thought, and that what you call “fear” is just an unpleasant physiological reaction. It never goes away completely (although it does dissipate as you become familiar with things you achieve), and it’s something you live with—it’s a constant companion, but not a bad one when used correctly.

There is no substitute for this process. It’s painful and it’s uncomfortable, especially in the beginning, and it takes awhile to attain confidence and confidence. But that’s simply how the mind works, and it’s something to be embraced. All the manifesting and getting in touch with your feelings and hugging it out with everyone around you is what Sammy Hagar called “mental mast*rbation.”

If you want the real action, you have to earn it.

john alanisBy Your Host: John Alanis
John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.

John is most certainly not a part of the “pick up artist crowd,” instead teaching men how to make themselves “naturally attractive” by suppressing unattractive behaviors and amplifying attractive ones, making yourself attractive without changing “who you are.” John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995. The theme of “mental toughness” and “how to be a real man in an age of girlie men” runs through is writings and teachings. While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers.