It is a cultural myth ingrained in us since birth: there is one special woman out there who is our “soul mate” and when we meet her, she will complete us and bring us absolute fulfillment.

Women are exposed to the same cultural myth, although it is even more intense, and with much more social pressures. Talk to any young girl, and she will already be talking about weddings and proposals and rings.

Romantic love is actually a relatively recent creation, circa the 19th century with the advent of technology. Prior to that, marriage was for economic reasons, and if you happened to grow to like your spouse along the way, good for you.

Businesses soon discovered they could make a profit catering to the idea of romantic love and soul mates, and shortly after the second world war, DeBeers put a price on romantic love, advertising that a man should spend the equivalent of at least two paychecks (might have been more) on a ring to prove his love to the woman he was going to marry.

As an avowed and unrepentant capitalist, I have no issue with businesses making a profit—no one is forcing anyone to buy anything, although I must say I know no women who would get married without a ring. But, I do think it is important you recognize the social pressures at work, so you can step through them and make reality based decisions.

The One and the ManyThere is, to be blunt, no such thing as your absolute soul mate. There is no “one special woman” who will totally complete you. There are, however, a lot of great women out there who have lots of great attributes (and drawbacks), any one of which you could have a realistically happy relationship with, if that’s what you both want.

Any person who latches onto the idea that there is one and only one person for them is setting themselves up for failure.

What happens is, when the one they thought was the one is, over time, not as wonderful as they thought, they begin to think they are missing out on the one. Then they blame the other person for deceiving them, and the trouble starts.

Over time, no woman is going to be as wonderful as when you first met her. You are going to discover things about her that aggravate and irritate you, and she will discover the same about. This, however, is not an indication that she is not “the one” for you, merely a normal happenstance, something that would happen with the many ones.

Some people say looking at reality like this is somehow depressing because it takes the “magic” out of love. But we live in a scientific world, not a magic one, and decisions must be made from science. When you look at it from the point of view that there are many great women to choose from, and if you make yourself an attractive man you will have choice, then that’s a pretty good place to be. It means you are almost certain to be with a great woman, and if something happens, you know you’ll be able to find one just as great.

Romantic and poetic?

No.

Realistic?

Yes.

And in this case, reality actually gives you a chance to be happier than magic and fantasy.



john alanisBy Your Host: John Alanis
John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.

John is most certainly not a part of the “pick up artist crowd,” instead teaching men how to make themselves “naturally attractive” by suppressing unattractive behaviors and amplifying attractive ones, making yourself attractive without changing “who you are.” John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995. The theme of “mental toughness” and “how to be a real man in an age of girlie men” runs through is writings and teachings. While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers.